Ways To Be A Douchebag On The Internet #1

Writing d/l-ed instead of downloaded.

Example, a comment from Jezebel in regards to a song:

I shamefully still listen to "chewing gum" and d/l-ed this single.

Why do people do this? Because they can. Douchebags run free and wild on the Internet. It is their sanctuary.

Job Eat Blog

I'm starting a new job tomorrow so that means I will have less time to spend on the Internet. This makes me sad but it is absolutely necessary that I get myself weaned off before I become a full-on junkie. Internet addiction is a clinical disorder but it's a pretty lame addiction to be afflicted with. With hardcore drugs you get to see cool things with very little effort (relatively speaking...I've never shoved a needle in my arm) but with the Internet you click links for hours and strain your eyes just to be rewarded with a redonkulous six minute video of a hedgehog floating in a bathtub....which has been removed from youtube! That's the other thing. The Internet is a devilish bastard who takes things away without warning. Well, here's a link to a video of Howard digging. The music is apparently from Willow which is one of my favourite childhood movies.

Cloverfield

sucked.

I'm a Mac

But I hate myself sometimes. Why are some things on Macs so frustrating?? I really miss the paint tool on PC. I downloaded some shite program called Paintbrush and it is complete shit. Notice the jugheader? It looks retarded but it's the best I've come up with after an hour of finessing. I'm pining for my ol reliable Lappy from University whose fan got overheated to a point of complete shutdown every time me and my pals were watching Gilmore Girls and Buffy.

No Offenvise IIntended

Has anyone else noticed that those security images when you sign up for things on the internet are getting harder to distinguish? You know the ones; the squiggly letters crammed tight together with lines sometimes across them? They're used so programs can't hack into sites and generate machine-like user identities. Anyways, it's getting very hard to recognize the letters and numbers and I'm getting sick and tired of having to click the 'Use a different image' link. Either internet security is tightening or I'm becoming less human and, arguably, more stupid. Hm.

This all started because I want to do sign up to Yahoo so I can answer this question on Yahoo Answers.

Help about my Cousin!?!?
My cousin is 11 yrs oold and shes 108 lbs. 5'1 and shes "thick" like black girls no Offenvise iintended
she has like thick legs and a stomach that pokes out..
She isnt the skinnest gurla round and she eats like umm 3 times a day and like 3 popsicles and like 2 chocolate bar every 2 weeks...


any suggestions plz help ty !!


...what.

I've read this five times now and it still makes no sense.

Staying Classy

This is my first completed comic. After you've worked on something for a period of time it's hard to tell if what you're doing is good. It's like saying the word "cat" over and over. After a while it loses meaning.

It's True

Things always happen when you're not paying attention.

A Li'l Taste

This is something I did a while ago. It was when I was feeling intense rage towards my last "job". I still have rage but it dissipates each day. That's the great thing about chronic memory loss!

The Inter-art

The latest addition to my blog, the gorgeous sketch of a tapir, is sadly not my own work. It's done by an artist called Jason Polan. I came across him through the website Drawn, that features artists on the web. It's a really cool thing that there are so many artists out there and we're able to look at their work through the internet. The last time I saw truly original art in person was at the Argyle Fine Art gallery in Halifax that for a brief time featured artwork by NSCAD students. It's great that there's an outlet for amateur artists that doesn't require being admitted to a gallery.

It doesn't take a gallery to bring an artist popularity. The internet can bring an amateur artist to semi-celebrity status. A friend introduced me to the work of Kate Beaton, a twenty-four year old cartoonist who posts her rough yet hilarious comics about Canadian history and her life as a internet cartoonist. She is very modest about her artwork and even self-deprecating at times. Her feelings are obviously wrong as she has now begun selling t-shirts and will undoubtedly have a book at some point.

Art is becoming more communal and there is an obvious feel of community at Kate Beaton's site where commentors chat easily amongst each other as if they've been friends for years. These sites allow you to link off to other artists and the results are overwhelming. I spent an entire evening looking at stranger's art and it was exhausting and inspiring. There's amazing stuff out there but there's also things like Beaton's art; amazing but also achievable from an amateur's standpoint. I know I have a long way to go with my art but that shouldn't stop me from sharing it. I'm always taking so much from the internet but never giving anything back (if you don't count this glorious blog, of course).

So with that in mind, I vow to share more with the internet. He's my best friend but I've been selfish with him. It's time to give back.

(The image is from 'Skine Art a site showcasing people's moleskin artwork. Private becomes public.)

Never Put a McChicken in the Microwave for One Minute

This is what happens:

The McChciken sauce curdles, the lettuce wilts and the bun is so hot that you have to wait ten minutes before devouring you're now shite tasting burger.

Jobbing

How do you know what job is best for you? The prospect of settling into a specific job is something that starts haunting you at an early age. I remember as a young girl conversations me and my friends would have about the future. We all agreed about how much more free we would be. Free to drive a car wherever we wanted, to stay out past our curfews, to make our own decisions and to be forever known as an adult. We never discussed the downfall of what our maturity would bring us but agreed that we would never ever work in an office like our fathers. We, of course, had no idea that being an adult just meant having more stress in our lives and that sometimes you don't have a choice. And why is that? Why do I have to go back to school to pursue a subject I'm not sure I'm even passionate about? Why must I endure the humiliating experience of being an intern in order to make my way to the top? The easy and most obvious answer is money. We all need money, no matter what our backgrounds are, in order to make it in this world. Unless you're some Paris Hilton/Lauren Conrad type, there's no way you're going to get away with spending your parents hard earned money for the rest of your life.

I admit that money makes me happier. It allows me to do things I am most passionate about like painting, reading and watching movies. And, to be honest, it contributes to my recreational drinking and occasional pot-smoking. Both of which (usually) make me happy. What doesn't make me happy though is sitting in a cubicle from nine to five and waiting for some higher-upper to tell me to mail ten packages. I know it takes time to get to the job you want but I haven't noticed any of my "colleagues" jumping for joy at the tasks they have to complete. If anything, they seem more stressed and even more thankful for when the weekend arrives (in all respect, they've probably worked a little harder, but still)

I've been wracking my brains trying to think of something else I can do that revolves around my skills but fail to come up with anything. My perfect job would include being paid lots of money, doing exciting and interesting work, and working with cool, funny people. Does this job exist or am I doomed to drink bad office coffee for the rest of my life?

On a side note, I am enjoying my internship but was honestly expecting a lot more. My initial excitement upon hearing I got the internship has (so far) not been duplicated. Ve vill see, hmm..

Tonto Brekkies

Breakfast is a funny meal. In olden days, farmers would wake up, kill a pig, steal fetuses from chickens and fry it all up. This tradition has lived on in modern times and thank god for it. I've gone to a few breakfast places since moving to Toronto and they've all been just okay. The best breakfast place I've ever gone to was in St. Andrews, New Brunswick. I can't remember what the restaurant was called but it was one of the five restaurants on the main street. I am waiting until something can top that place. It was healthy and delicious.

New York Diner
Nice atmosphere and good location but this place isn't somewhere I'd like to go on a regular basis. The over easy eggs are usually so undercooked that the white part is all mucousy. Not appetizing. The homefries are definitely not homemade and the bacon is never crispy. However, the staff is friendly and service is quick.

Flo's Diner
Mucousy eggs again but at least the hash browns were homemade. Good service but we had to wait about half an hour to get in. It's pretty pricey and not really worth it.

Eggstacy
This place is kind of like Cora's but smaller and less French. The portion sizes are huge so I'd recommend this place to any guy. I don't really eat that much so I thought it was a bit of waste. You can choose three different "baggages" to go with your eggs and meat which is a nice little option. I had hash browns (actual real hashbrowns, no tater tot shit), toast and baked beans. Baked beans are a gift from God.

If anyone knows of any good breakfast places let me know. I like cheap and tasty.

Spiritual Journey: Part One

So, I've realized, since I'm really not doing anything at this point in my life, that it would be fun to write down the abundance of things I am doing. See, when you're unemployed, it really gives you a chance to spend time on the internet to search for banal yet exciting things. For instance, I've become increasingly interested in drugs. Not doing them of course, but just learning about them. I just searched "meth face" and was given the pleasure of perusing a bevy of before and after shots of meth addicts. In four months one young woman went from looking semi-attractive to downright beat. Something about the drug makes you lose all kinds of weight on your face and give you the dreaded "crazy eyes." Also, if you're afflicted by the mythical crank bugs, you're skin starts to look like Charlie "Crater Face" Coburn's.

What I'm Searching
Crack
Robbie Burns
Hulk Hogan
Persian Rugs
Jobs


Things Keeping Me Jobless
Cute Overload
Engrish
Jezebel


The Writer's Strike Kind Of Sucks
I'm a pretty loyal TV watcher. I watch a healthy amount. A lot less since I moved partly because my TV is so GD small. Anyways, with the absence of new episodes of my faithful favourites, I've resorted to watching some alternative shows.

Hogan Knows Best
I watched the better part of a marathon. This show actually wasn't bad. They're a nice family that seems to really love each other. Hulk is overprotective of young Brooke who aspires to be a singer and mom Linda watches over the family and worries when young Nick wants to take up Drifting) It's a good reality show but it's hard to watch the episodes of Nick driving (badly) knowing that Nick got into a serious accident that left his friend a vegetable. And of course Nick was speeding and allegedly drunk. I JUST DON'T GET IT. Why do people drink and drive? It really grinds my gears.



Kenny vs. Spenny
I've liked this show for awhile and I found out you can watch them online so... Here's some funny clips of Kenny and Spenny. In one of them Kenny tells Spenny he looks like Jar Jar Binks with Down Sydrome wearing Ringo Starr's wig.

The OC reruns
This brings back memories of University. In first year me and my friends were forced to congregate in the common room with the other commoners and watch The OC. The show was usually muffled out by the annoying girls o felt the need to talk over the show about the show. Needless to say, we were unable to hear every funny thing Seth Cohen said. We actually got into an altercation with another res girl over this thursday night tradition. In order to avoid the masses, we decided to watch the show on friday night when they played a repeat. Since all the common rooms were taken, we journeyed all the way to the fourth floor where we found a nerd watching Everybody Loves Raymond. We used the ol there's three of us and only of you tactic but this girl did not budge. She told us, in a haughty tone, that we should have watched the show with everybody else on Thursday. We ended up yelling at her a bit and then retreated. I'm pretty sure the night ended the same way we always ended them. By getting stoned and watching Buffy.


Let's All Go To The Movies
Some of the movies I have seen of late. Some I've rented and some I've seen at the local movie house.

Atonement
REALLY good. Good music, good acting, good story. Best movie so far of 2007. That darn Briony!

There Will Be Blood
I didn't get it? I didn't like it. I even closed my eyes to see if I could have a nap.

Waitress
Meh. It made me really want pie. Ever since the Archie comic where Mr. Weatherbee becomes addicted to Betty's Banana Cream Pies I've always wanted to make one. Even though it would be gross. Bananas in pie, yeeecccch.

The Namesake
Never disrespect your parents! This was an enjoyable movie but I'd rather see Kal Penn stoned than reflective.

Heartbreak Kid
No.

Smiley Face
Anna Faris is awesome. In Just Friends, she steals the movie. She was good in Scary Movie and was the only girl on Entourage that wasn't a fake bitch. But Smiley Face failed to deliver. I appreciated some of the pot humour and even laughed out loud a couple of times (something I rarely do). But, there were too many weird moments and it didn't flow. It was...uneven. Still, I recommend getting really baked and popping this movie in. If anything it will make you feel less guilty about your own life.


Music Is My Best Friend
I'd been going through a musical drought and only recently started listening to something other than Of Montreal and The National.

Cut Copy
What Matthew would call the Australian Daft Punk. They're quite good. Upbeat, catchy and something you can dance to. All things I appreciate. They're a lot more listenable than the German Daft Punk, Boyz Noise.

Student Film
Only starting to listen to these guys. I like them. Very calming but interesting. Less obnoxious than Iron and Wine.

MGMT
Have only heard one song by these guys called Time to Pretend I can't tell if they're being ironic or serious. Still, I like their down earth attitude and psychedelic mind trips. I can't really think of who to compare them to. WHOA. On a side note, I just went to switch songs on my ipod and this song randomly came up! trippy...

That's about it. If anyone has any suggestions I'll take them. I refuse to listen to K. Drew's new album no matter how good it is. Look at that face. I just want to punch it.