More Than A Blog, It Is... A Nation

I just googled my blog, for reasons I can no longer remember, and the first hit that came up was "Spotlight on Nation," a stunning description of the habitat of The People's Republic of Haffalaff.

Upon quickly scanning the website I thought Haffalaff sounded quite nice. It's official animal, I was pleased to learn, is the haffa which "frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests." And besides this charming animal, the nation seems to turn a blind eye to inappropriate behaviour. "Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force."

The website describes the nation as "environmentally stunning" and "ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as '[his] little playthings.' "

UPDATE: I got bored of writing this but after a month I decided to do a follow up on this ever growing and increasingly prosperous nation. I was shocked and saddened to learn that THE NATION'S DESCRIPTION HAS BEEN REMOVED. I urge readers to create a petition to bring back the nation of Haffalaff. Only you can rebuild this state. Lord knows this world doesn't need another New Orleans catastrophe. I would start the petition myself but unfortunately I am far too busy making lattes and taking people's money in exchange for delicious fat-free bagels. Still, not a night has passed that I have found myself neglecting my official duties as spokesperson and activist for this unique nation. Before I go to bed I whisper the official motto of Haffalaff until I fall asleep with a single tear running down my face.

Please, let me whisper no more. All you us together, unite and sing!

Haffa, Haffa, Haffa, HAFFA!

Drugs = Hobo Clowns

Do you ever wish that the thoughts you had when you were stoned would be remembered when you were lucid? Me too. The other night I was at that comfortable and self-enlightening stage of highness.

I was watching television and I remember that every single thought I was having was brilliant and of incredible importance. I was probably watching commercials (they thrill me) and I made a realization that led to an incredible discovery. What could a McDonald's commercial plus a Heroes promo equal? Hmm... I don't know know either. Big Macs give you superpowers?

Usually when I do drugs I try to force myself to write my brilliant thoughts down but something always seems to grab my attention. It's most often the television (how can anyone resist TMN on demand?) or sometimes it's a book (with great patience I managed to finish a chapter of "But is it art?"). What really makes me procrastinate though is my own mind. I was watching "Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny" and I could not concentrate on the music or hilarious jokes for the life of me. I kept thinking of insane concepts and worst case scenarios.

I was alone in the house and thought about what I would do if some hobo came up to the back door and demanded to be let in. I thought,"Oh, I'll be able to shuffle over to the phone and call the police." Or, more simply, I thought, "I'll just refuse him entry." But then, I began to think more realistically. This hobo is no vampire, he could come in if he wanted to. This is when extreme paranoia and fear sets in. Truthfully, I think I'd be too scared to get up from the couch to reach the phone especially now that my vision has replaced my kindly hobo's face with that of a clown. AND, he's tapping the glass door with a butcher knife already laced with blood! Shiiiiiit. And so on and so ad infinitum.

This is how my mind works. By the time I caught myself out of that whirlpool the movie was over.