Tonto Brekkies

Breakfast is a funny meal. In olden days, farmers would wake up, kill a pig, steal fetuses from chickens and fry it all up. This tradition has lived on in modern times and thank god for it. I've gone to a few breakfast places since moving to Toronto and they've all been just okay. The best breakfast place I've ever gone to was in St. Andrews, New Brunswick. I can't remember what the restaurant was called but it was one of the five restaurants on the main street. I am waiting until something can top that place. It was healthy and delicious.

New York Diner
Nice atmosphere and good location but this place isn't somewhere I'd like to go on a regular basis. The over easy eggs are usually so undercooked that the white part is all mucousy. Not appetizing. The homefries are definitely not homemade and the bacon is never crispy. However, the staff is friendly and service is quick.

Flo's Diner
Mucousy eggs again but at least the hash browns were homemade. Good service but we had to wait about half an hour to get in. It's pretty pricey and not really worth it.

Eggstacy
This place is kind of like Cora's but smaller and less French. The portion sizes are huge so I'd recommend this place to any guy. I don't really eat that much so I thought it was a bit of waste. You can choose three different "baggages" to go with your eggs and meat which is a nice little option. I had hash browns (actual real hashbrowns, no tater tot shit), toast and baked beans. Baked beans are a gift from God.

If anyone knows of any good breakfast places let me know. I like cheap and tasty.

Spiritual Journey: Part One

So, I've realized, since I'm really not doing anything at this point in my life, that it would be fun to write down the abundance of things I am doing. See, when you're unemployed, it really gives you a chance to spend time on the internet to search for banal yet exciting things. For instance, I've become increasingly interested in drugs. Not doing them of course, but just learning about them. I just searched "meth face" and was given the pleasure of perusing a bevy of before and after shots of meth addicts. In four months one young woman went from looking semi-attractive to downright beat. Something about the drug makes you lose all kinds of weight on your face and give you the dreaded "crazy eyes." Also, if you're afflicted by the mythical crank bugs, you're skin starts to look like Charlie "Crater Face" Coburn's.

What I'm Searching
Crack
Robbie Burns
Hulk Hogan
Persian Rugs
Jobs


Things Keeping Me Jobless
Cute Overload
Engrish
Jezebel


The Writer's Strike Kind Of Sucks
I'm a pretty loyal TV watcher. I watch a healthy amount. A lot less since I moved partly because my TV is so GD small. Anyways, with the absence of new episodes of my faithful favourites, I've resorted to watching some alternative shows.

Hogan Knows Best
I watched the better part of a marathon. This show actually wasn't bad. They're a nice family that seems to really love each other. Hulk is overprotective of young Brooke who aspires to be a singer and mom Linda watches over the family and worries when young Nick wants to take up Drifting) It's a good reality show but it's hard to watch the episodes of Nick driving (badly) knowing that Nick got into a serious accident that left his friend a vegetable. And of course Nick was speeding and allegedly drunk. I JUST DON'T GET IT. Why do people drink and drive? It really grinds my gears.



Kenny vs. Spenny
I've liked this show for awhile and I found out you can watch them online so... Here's some funny clips of Kenny and Spenny. In one of them Kenny tells Spenny he looks like Jar Jar Binks with Down Sydrome wearing Ringo Starr's wig.

The OC reruns
This brings back memories of University. In first year me and my friends were forced to congregate in the common room with the other commoners and watch The OC. The show was usually muffled out by the annoying girls o felt the need to talk over the show about the show. Needless to say, we were unable to hear every funny thing Seth Cohen said. We actually got into an altercation with another res girl over this thursday night tradition. In order to avoid the masses, we decided to watch the show on friday night when they played a repeat. Since all the common rooms were taken, we journeyed all the way to the fourth floor where we found a nerd watching Everybody Loves Raymond. We used the ol there's three of us and only of you tactic but this girl did not budge. She told us, in a haughty tone, that we should have watched the show with everybody else on Thursday. We ended up yelling at her a bit and then retreated. I'm pretty sure the night ended the same way we always ended them. By getting stoned and watching Buffy.


Let's All Go To The Movies
Some of the movies I have seen of late. Some I've rented and some I've seen at the local movie house.

Atonement
REALLY good. Good music, good acting, good story. Best movie so far of 2007. That darn Briony!

There Will Be Blood
I didn't get it? I didn't like it. I even closed my eyes to see if I could have a nap.

Waitress
Meh. It made me really want pie. Ever since the Archie comic where Mr. Weatherbee becomes addicted to Betty's Banana Cream Pies I've always wanted to make one. Even though it would be gross. Bananas in pie, yeeecccch.

The Namesake
Never disrespect your parents! This was an enjoyable movie but I'd rather see Kal Penn stoned than reflective.

Heartbreak Kid
No.

Smiley Face
Anna Faris is awesome. In Just Friends, she steals the movie. She was good in Scary Movie and was the only girl on Entourage that wasn't a fake bitch. But Smiley Face failed to deliver. I appreciated some of the pot humour and even laughed out loud a couple of times (something I rarely do). But, there were too many weird moments and it didn't flow. It was...uneven. Still, I recommend getting really baked and popping this movie in. If anything it will make you feel less guilty about your own life.


Music Is My Best Friend
I'd been going through a musical drought and only recently started listening to something other than Of Montreal and The National.

Cut Copy
What Matthew would call the Australian Daft Punk. They're quite good. Upbeat, catchy and something you can dance to. All things I appreciate. They're a lot more listenable than the German Daft Punk, Boyz Noise.

Student Film
Only starting to listen to these guys. I like them. Very calming but interesting. Less obnoxious than Iron and Wine.

MGMT
Have only heard one song by these guys called Time to Pretend I can't tell if they're being ironic or serious. Still, I like their down earth attitude and psychedelic mind trips. I can't really think of who to compare them to. WHOA. On a side note, I just went to switch songs on my ipod and this song randomly came up! trippy...

That's about it. If anyone has any suggestions I'll take them. I refuse to listen to K. Drew's new album no matter how good it is. Look at that face. I just want to punch it.

That Show Is Right Funny, Eh?

I just received an e-mail from Apple with a subject line that actually grasped my attention. I usually delete every e-mail I get from Apple because I don't care about the newest upgrades or nifty things that Apple has come out with just after releasing something equally nifty the day before.
I always kick myself for making the mistake of signing up for those subscriber lists. I still get e-mails on a daily basis from Travel Cuts and Sephora. I've tried to unsubscribe but some evil genius is preventing me from doing this.
Anyways, the subject line of this particular Apple e-mail read; "Great TV shows now available on iTunes Canada." I became very excited because alhtough you can download TV shows quite easily the quality is not always the best. And it can be stressful to doneload things. It requires a lot of patience and I find myself checking on my downloads every half hour or so. These are precious moments I could use doing something else like watching TV, checking Perez or creeping on Facebook.
So the arrival of this new time saver made me quite excited. In retrospect I should have known that the words "Great" "TV shows" and "Canada" do not belong together. To give you an idea of what I'm talking about the TV shows iTunes has decided to advertise with are "Corner Gas", "Degrassi; The Next Generation" and "Dragon's Den." Now, don't get me wrong Corner Gas is an awesome show. Me and my brother went through an entire season of that and the short lived "Wonderfalls" on a car trip to Sugarloaf. Although we both asked ourselves, "Why did we watch this garbage?" the important thing is that we watched it. Corner Gas is funny in a sad Canadian way but I wouldn't classify it as a "Great Show." The same goes for Degrassi. That show was amazing back in the day and to be honest the "New Generation" is just as awesome. Me and my housemate would become irate if we discovered we had missed it. It's good mindless crap that should be watched.
Still, it is not something I would EVER buy on DVD or admit to others that I actually watch. As for "Dragon's Den" what the fuck is that? It makes me think of Dungeons and Dragons which is never a good thing. Also, the promo photo features a bunch of scary ass dudes in suits and a fugly redheaded woman with a single white stripe in her hair. Only Alexandra Cabot from Josie and the Pussycats could get away with that look and even that traumatized me as a child - "Is she a skunk?" "Is she old?"
So to sum it up, being a Canadian sometimes sucks. We're stuck with shitty shows that often fail and shitty shows that somehow succeed. And then, as if we haven't been insulted enough, these shows are used to introduce a feature that was previously only available in the states. But, I'm not complaining. It just makes me sad to think of the people who will pay to have "Robson Arms" and "Instant Star" readily available on their iPod. Somehow that's more embarrassing than admitting you actually enjoy these Canadian guilty pleasures. For now I'll just keep pushing my new computer to complete endless downloads and use up it's valuable hard drive.

Am I Cat?

Things I Thought About On A Thursday Afternoon At Carlingwood

Who owns the mall?

Does anyone go to the Carlingwood Family Restaurant?

Are they still serving breakfast at the Carlingwood Family Restaurant?

Why is Talbots still in business?

Why do I have an urge to knock that infant down?

Is the New York Fries employee as depressed as he looks?

Why don't young males notice when they start growing a moustache?

Why are there so many people here at 2 PM?

More Than A Blog, It Is... A Nation

I just googled my blog, for reasons I can no longer remember, and the first hit that came up was "Spotlight on Nation," a stunning description of the habitat of The People's Republic of Haffalaff.

Upon quickly scanning the website I thought Haffalaff sounded quite nice. It's official animal, I was pleased to learn, is the haffa which "frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests." And besides this charming animal, the nation seems to turn a blind eye to inappropriate behaviour. "Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force."

The website describes the nation as "environmentally stunning" and "ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as '[his] little playthings.' "

UPDATE: I got bored of writing this but after a month I decided to do a follow up on this ever growing and increasingly prosperous nation. I was shocked and saddened to learn that THE NATION'S DESCRIPTION HAS BEEN REMOVED. I urge readers to create a petition to bring back the nation of Haffalaff. Only you can rebuild this state. Lord knows this world doesn't need another New Orleans catastrophe. I would start the petition myself but unfortunately I am far too busy making lattes and taking people's money in exchange for delicious fat-free bagels. Still, not a night has passed that I have found myself neglecting my official duties as spokesperson and activist for this unique nation. Before I go to bed I whisper the official motto of Haffalaff until I fall asleep with a single tear running down my face.

Please, let me whisper no more. All you us together, unite and sing!

Haffa, Haffa, Haffa, HAFFA!

Drugs = Hobo Clowns

Do you ever wish that the thoughts you had when you were stoned would be remembered when you were lucid? Me too. The other night I was at that comfortable and self-enlightening stage of highness.

I was watching television and I remember that every single thought I was having was brilliant and of incredible importance. I was probably watching commercials (they thrill me) and I made a realization that led to an incredible discovery. What could a McDonald's commercial plus a Heroes promo equal? Hmm... I don't know know either. Big Macs give you superpowers?

Usually when I do drugs I try to force myself to write my brilliant thoughts down but something always seems to grab my attention. It's most often the television (how can anyone resist TMN on demand?) or sometimes it's a book (with great patience I managed to finish a chapter of "But is it art?"). What really makes me procrastinate though is my own mind. I was watching "Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny" and I could not concentrate on the music or hilarious jokes for the life of me. I kept thinking of insane concepts and worst case scenarios.

I was alone in the house and thought about what I would do if some hobo came up to the back door and demanded to be let in. I thought,"Oh, I'll be able to shuffle over to the phone and call the police." Or, more simply, I thought, "I'll just refuse him entry." But then, I began to think more realistically. This hobo is no vampire, he could come in if he wanted to. This is when extreme paranoia and fear sets in. Truthfully, I think I'd be too scared to get up from the couch to reach the phone especially now that my vision has replaced my kindly hobo's face with that of a clown. AND, he's tapping the glass door with a butcher knife already laced with blood! Shiiiiiit. And so on and so ad infinitum.

This is how my mind works. By the time I caught myself out of that whirlpool the movie was over.