2010: Dawn of a New Blog-Era

Friends, it has been far too long - in fact, two years since I last posted. It is clear to me now that having a job hinders ones desire to blog. Be that as it may, I have realized that once one becomes adept at 'jobbing' life finds its way naturally back to 'blogging.' Thus, 2010 shall be blessed with blogs a plentiful. Breakfast Blogs. I realize these 'reviews' may be moot because Blogto and the like already do a really good job at covering restaurants but I really like taking pictures of my food and then harshly criticizing it. And as many know it is not often that I am not 100% satisfied by the meals placed in front of me so get ready for me to rip a new one.

We'll start with the latest brekkie place I've gone to and work our way back to the past. I've heard that's the best way to recount things when you have a poor memory.

Lola's Commissary
634 Church St

I heard about this place from BlogTo as one of the Best New Brunch places of 2009. Since it's close by (ie within the realm of Yorkville) me and my faithful companion decided to give it a go.

We were seated immediately beside a window and heating vent. A very nice treat indeed. Big Al, trying to nip a hanover in the bud, ordered a mimosa and an orange juice while I ordered coffee and orange juice. The coffee was served a la Americano which was a surprising change from the black sludge I usually drink. As Big downed her champagne heavy mimosa I remarked how elegant the cutlery was. Even before the food arrived we were pleased with Lola's. One minor complaint was the size of oj - though it was the best freshly squeezed I've had in a while it's never fun to feel like you have to ration your juice.


Note: for some reason I though putting the oj next to a tiny flower vase would accurately display how small the glass was. In my efforts I've made it look ginormous.

The menu was small and filled with a variety of options ranging from your standard eggs and bakey to fancy-schmancy wraps and 3 different types of French toast. Big ordered eggs over-hard with bacon and a side salad and I ordered Eggs Benedict with a side salad. Snarfing salad instead of hash browns, I've learnt, leaves your stomach with a feeling of satisfaction rather than self-combustion. It's the little things. The salads at Lola were delish; topped with cranberries, candied pecans and pears they were refreshing and would be suitable to be served alongside lunch and dinner. Since I find pears offensive I dumped them onto Big's more than welcoming plate. It was nice to have the salads seperate from our main dish. Nobody likes a warm salad.


Our plates arrived piping hot and our food was displayed nicely. Big remarked that her eggs were cooked perfectly and were 'beautiful' even. She made me touch her toast for a reason's I still don't know. Regardless, the toast was crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. "Fresh and dense," she says.


My eggs benny was served atop bacon - something I've never had before but was excited about. The bacon, something I find every breakfast place usually does wrong, was incredible. Perfectly cripsy, but maybe a little too crispy for some, Big and I both agreed it was the best bacon we'd ever had at a Toronto breakfast.

A note on eggs: as my faithful companion knows too well, I have a thing about eggs. I am slightly afraid of them, in that if they are not cooked the way I like them, I become disgusted with them. When I was younger I used to refuse to eat the whites of eggs. To me, the runny yolk was the only part of the egg worth eating. My poor parents would continue to make me a full egg breakfast and I would happily dip my bread and bacon in the yolk and leave the whites untouched. When we had a dog he would have a feast consisting of all my scraps. These days my scraps (less plentiful than before) are often consumed by Big Al and others. Anecdotes aside, today I am able to eat almost all of the white provided it passes what I consider a not too harsh requirement. The white has to be fraking cooked all the way through. I don't care if the yolk flows faster than the mississippi nothing disgusts me more than a mucousy white wiggling at me from my fork. I have realized though, through my countless encounters with these offenders, that there are more important things to worry about than an uncooked white. Provided it isn't too uncooked I've learnt to suck up my pride and slurp up my eggs (gross). The eggs at Lola's are an example of this.


When I cut into the egg, the yolk shot out with such force that it almost landed onto the table next to us. Worry began to set in (with very runny yolk comes mucousy whites) but with such mounting hunger I said 'fuck it' and proceeded to eat the eggs with a non-judgmental approach. Through my flourishing cultery I noticed scary bits of white mucous but at such a minimal amount it seemed fruitless to push it away. Snarf on, my brain said, snarf on. So I did, and I was mostly pleased. I would have preferred a bit more hollaindaise and I do prefer ham with my benedict. I can safely say though that the benny was probably one of the best I've had in Toronto.

Reeeeecap
Big Al's Take
Food: A
Service: A+
Atmosphere: A
Music: A+
Bathrooms: N/A
Notes - Big Al, as she is apt to do, made a friend with owner Therese and learned that there is a fixed winter menu coming up during the same time frame as Winterlicious.

Lilsweetpotato's Take
Food: A-
Service: A+
Atmosphere: B+
Music: A+
Bathrooms: A
Notes - I gave the atmosphere a B+ because the decor wasn't really 'me'

Ways To Be A Douchebag On The Internet #1

Writing d/l-ed instead of downloaded.

Example, a comment from Jezebel in regards to a song:

I shamefully still listen to "chewing gum" and d/l-ed this single.

Why do people do this? Because they can. Douchebags run free and wild on the Internet. It is their sanctuary.

Job Eat Blog

I'm starting a new job tomorrow so that means I will have less time to spend on the Internet. This makes me sad but it is absolutely necessary that I get myself weaned off before I become a full-on junkie. Internet addiction is a clinical disorder but it's a pretty lame addiction to be afflicted with. With hardcore drugs you get to see cool things with very little effort (relatively speaking...I've never shoved a needle in my arm) but with the Internet you click links for hours and strain your eyes just to be rewarded with a redonkulous six minute video of a hedgehog floating in a bathtub....which has been removed from youtube! That's the other thing. The Internet is a devilish bastard who takes things away without warning. Well, here's a link to a video of Howard digging. The music is apparently from Willow which is one of my favourite childhood movies.

Cloverfield

sucked.

I'm a Mac

But I hate myself sometimes. Why are some things on Macs so frustrating?? I really miss the paint tool on PC. I downloaded some shite program called Paintbrush and it is complete shit. Notice the jugheader? It looks retarded but it's the best I've come up with after an hour of finessing. I'm pining for my ol reliable Lappy from University whose fan got overheated to a point of complete shutdown every time me and my pals were watching Gilmore Girls and Buffy.

No Offenvise IIntended

Has anyone else noticed that those security images when you sign up for things on the internet are getting harder to distinguish? You know the ones; the squiggly letters crammed tight together with lines sometimes across them? They're used so programs can't hack into sites and generate machine-like user identities. Anyways, it's getting very hard to recognize the letters and numbers and I'm getting sick and tired of having to click the 'Use a different image' link. Either internet security is tightening or I'm becoming less human and, arguably, more stupid. Hm.

This all started because I want to do sign up to Yahoo so I can answer this question on Yahoo Answers.

Help about my Cousin!?!?
My cousin is 11 yrs oold and shes 108 lbs. 5'1 and shes "thick" like black girls no Offenvise iintended
she has like thick legs and a stomach that pokes out..
She isnt the skinnest gurla round and she eats like umm 3 times a day and like 3 popsicles and like 2 chocolate bar every 2 weeks...


any suggestions plz help ty !!


...what.

I've read this five times now and it still makes no sense.

Staying Classy

This is my first completed comic. After you've worked on something for a period of time it's hard to tell if what you're doing is good. It's like saying the word "cat" over and over. After a while it loses meaning.

It's True

Things always happen when you're not paying attention.

A Li'l Taste

This is something I did a while ago. It was when I was feeling intense rage towards my last "job". I still have rage but it dissipates each day. That's the great thing about chronic memory loss!

The Inter-art

The latest addition to my blog, the gorgeous sketch of a tapir, is sadly not my own work. It's done by an artist called Jason Polan. I came across him through the website Drawn, that features artists on the web. It's a really cool thing that there are so many artists out there and we're able to look at their work through the internet. The last time I saw truly original art in person was at the Argyle Fine Art gallery in Halifax that for a brief time featured artwork by NSCAD students. It's great that there's an outlet for amateur artists that doesn't require being admitted to a gallery.

It doesn't take a gallery to bring an artist popularity. The internet can bring an amateur artist to semi-celebrity status. A friend introduced me to the work of Kate Beaton, a twenty-four year old cartoonist who posts her rough yet hilarious comics about Canadian history and her life as a internet cartoonist. She is very modest about her artwork and even self-deprecating at times. Her feelings are obviously wrong as she has now begun selling t-shirts and will undoubtedly have a book at some point.

Art is becoming more communal and there is an obvious feel of community at Kate Beaton's site where commentors chat easily amongst each other as if they've been friends for years. These sites allow you to link off to other artists and the results are overwhelming. I spent an entire evening looking at stranger's art and it was exhausting and inspiring. There's amazing stuff out there but there's also things like Beaton's art; amazing but also achievable from an amateur's standpoint. I know I have a long way to go with my art but that shouldn't stop me from sharing it. I'm always taking so much from the internet but never giving anything back (if you don't count this glorious blog, of course).

So with that in mind, I vow to share more with the internet. He's my best friend but I've been selfish with him. It's time to give back.

(The image is from 'Skine Art a site showcasing people's moleskin artwork. Private becomes public.)

Never Put a McChicken in the Microwave for One Minute

This is what happens:

The McChciken sauce curdles, the lettuce wilts and the bun is so hot that you have to wait ten minutes before devouring you're now shite tasting burger.

Jobbing

How do you know what job is best for you? The prospect of settling into a specific job is something that starts haunting you at an early age. I remember as a young girl conversations me and my friends would have about the future. We all agreed about how much more free we would be. Free to drive a car wherever we wanted, to stay out past our curfews, to make our own decisions and to be forever known as an adult. We never discussed the downfall of what our maturity would bring us but agreed that we would never ever work in an office like our fathers. We, of course, had no idea that being an adult just meant having more stress in our lives and that sometimes you don't have a choice. And why is that? Why do I have to go back to school to pursue a subject I'm not sure I'm even passionate about? Why must I endure the humiliating experience of being an intern in order to make my way to the top? The easy and most obvious answer is money. We all need money, no matter what our backgrounds are, in order to make it in this world. Unless you're some Paris Hilton/Lauren Conrad type, there's no way you're going to get away with spending your parents hard earned money for the rest of your life.

I admit that money makes me happier. It allows me to do things I am most passionate about like painting, reading and watching movies. And, to be honest, it contributes to my recreational drinking and occasional pot-smoking. Both of which (usually) make me happy. What doesn't make me happy though is sitting in a cubicle from nine to five and waiting for some higher-upper to tell me to mail ten packages. I know it takes time to get to the job you want but I haven't noticed any of my "colleagues" jumping for joy at the tasks they have to complete. If anything, they seem more stressed and even more thankful for when the weekend arrives (in all respect, they've probably worked a little harder, but still)

I've been wracking my brains trying to think of something else I can do that revolves around my skills but fail to come up with anything. My perfect job would include being paid lots of money, doing exciting and interesting work, and working with cool, funny people. Does this job exist or am I doomed to drink bad office coffee for the rest of my life?

On a side note, I am enjoying my internship but was honestly expecting a lot more. My initial excitement upon hearing I got the internship has (so far) not been duplicated. Ve vill see, hmm..

Tonto Brekkies

Breakfast is a funny meal. In olden days, farmers would wake up, kill a pig, steal fetuses from chickens and fry it all up. This tradition has lived on in modern times and thank god for it. I've gone to a few breakfast places since moving to Toronto and they've all been just okay. The best breakfast place I've ever gone to was in St. Andrews, New Brunswick. I can't remember what the restaurant was called but it was one of the five restaurants on the main street. I am waiting until something can top that place. It was healthy and delicious.

New York Diner
Nice atmosphere and good location but this place isn't somewhere I'd like to go on a regular basis. The over easy eggs are usually so undercooked that the white part is all mucousy. Not appetizing. The homefries are definitely not homemade and the bacon is never crispy. However, the staff is friendly and service is quick.

Flo's Diner
Mucousy eggs again but at least the hash browns were homemade. Good service but we had to wait about half an hour to get in. It's pretty pricey and not really worth it.

Eggstacy
This place is kind of like Cora's but smaller and less French. The portion sizes are huge so I'd recommend this place to any guy. I don't really eat that much so I thought it was a bit of waste. You can choose three different "baggages" to go with your eggs and meat which is a nice little option. I had hash browns (actual real hashbrowns, no tater tot shit), toast and baked beans. Baked beans are a gift from God.

If anyone knows of any good breakfast places let me know. I like cheap and tasty.

Spiritual Journey: Part One

So, I've realized, since I'm really not doing anything at this point in my life, that it would be fun to write down the abundance of things I am doing. See, when you're unemployed, it really gives you a chance to spend time on the internet to search for banal yet exciting things. For instance, I've become increasingly interested in drugs. Not doing them of course, but just learning about them. I just searched "meth face" and was given the pleasure of perusing a bevy of before and after shots of meth addicts. In four months one young woman went from looking semi-attractive to downright beat. Something about the drug makes you lose all kinds of weight on your face and give you the dreaded "crazy eyes." Also, if you're afflicted by the mythical crank bugs, you're skin starts to look like Charlie "Crater Face" Coburn's.

What I'm Searching
Crack
Robbie Burns
Hulk Hogan
Persian Rugs
Jobs


Things Keeping Me Jobless
Cute Overload
Engrish
Jezebel


The Writer's Strike Kind Of Sucks
I'm a pretty loyal TV watcher. I watch a healthy amount. A lot less since I moved partly because my TV is so GD small. Anyways, with the absence of new episodes of my faithful favourites, I've resorted to watching some alternative shows.

Hogan Knows Best
I watched the better part of a marathon. This show actually wasn't bad. They're a nice family that seems to really love each other. Hulk is overprotective of young Brooke who aspires to be a singer and mom Linda watches over the family and worries when young Nick wants to take up Drifting) It's a good reality show but it's hard to watch the episodes of Nick driving (badly) knowing that Nick got into a serious accident that left his friend a vegetable. And of course Nick was speeding and allegedly drunk. I JUST DON'T GET IT. Why do people drink and drive? It really grinds my gears.



Kenny vs. Spenny
I've liked this show for awhile and I found out you can watch them online so... Here's some funny clips of Kenny and Spenny. In one of them Kenny tells Spenny he looks like Jar Jar Binks with Down Sydrome wearing Ringo Starr's wig.

The OC reruns
This brings back memories of University. In first year me and my friends were forced to congregate in the common room with the other commoners and watch The OC. The show was usually muffled out by the annoying girls o felt the need to talk over the show about the show. Needless to say, we were unable to hear every funny thing Seth Cohen said. We actually got into an altercation with another res girl over this thursday night tradition. In order to avoid the masses, we decided to watch the show on friday night when they played a repeat. Since all the common rooms were taken, we journeyed all the way to the fourth floor where we found a nerd watching Everybody Loves Raymond. We used the ol there's three of us and only of you tactic but this girl did not budge. She told us, in a haughty tone, that we should have watched the show with everybody else on Thursday. We ended up yelling at her a bit and then retreated. I'm pretty sure the night ended the same way we always ended them. By getting stoned and watching Buffy.


Let's All Go To The Movies
Some of the movies I have seen of late. Some I've rented and some I've seen at the local movie house.

Atonement
REALLY good. Good music, good acting, good story. Best movie so far of 2007. That darn Briony!

There Will Be Blood
I didn't get it? I didn't like it. I even closed my eyes to see if I could have a nap.

Waitress
Meh. It made me really want pie. Ever since the Archie comic where Mr. Weatherbee becomes addicted to Betty's Banana Cream Pies I've always wanted to make one. Even though it would be gross. Bananas in pie, yeeecccch.

The Namesake
Never disrespect your parents! This was an enjoyable movie but I'd rather see Kal Penn stoned than reflective.

Heartbreak Kid
No.

Smiley Face
Anna Faris is awesome. In Just Friends, she steals the movie. She was good in Scary Movie and was the only girl on Entourage that wasn't a fake bitch. But Smiley Face failed to deliver. I appreciated some of the pot humour and even laughed out loud a couple of times (something I rarely do). But, there were too many weird moments and it didn't flow. It was...uneven. Still, I recommend getting really baked and popping this movie in. If anything it will make you feel less guilty about your own life.


Music Is My Best Friend
I'd been going through a musical drought and only recently started listening to something other than Of Montreal and The National.

Cut Copy
What Matthew would call the Australian Daft Punk. They're quite good. Upbeat, catchy and something you can dance to. All things I appreciate. They're a lot more listenable than the German Daft Punk, Boyz Noise.

Student Film
Only starting to listen to these guys. I like them. Very calming but interesting. Less obnoxious than Iron and Wine.

MGMT
Have only heard one song by these guys called Time to Pretend I can't tell if they're being ironic or serious. Still, I like their down earth attitude and psychedelic mind trips. I can't really think of who to compare them to. WHOA. On a side note, I just went to switch songs on my ipod and this song randomly came up! trippy...

That's about it. If anyone has any suggestions I'll take them. I refuse to listen to K. Drew's new album no matter how good it is. Look at that face. I just want to punch it.

That Show Is Right Funny, Eh?

I just received an e-mail from Apple with a subject line that actually grasped my attention. I usually delete every e-mail I get from Apple because I don't care about the newest upgrades or nifty things that Apple has come out with just after releasing something equally nifty the day before.
I always kick myself for making the mistake of signing up for those subscriber lists. I still get e-mails on a daily basis from Travel Cuts and Sephora. I've tried to unsubscribe but some evil genius is preventing me from doing this.
Anyways, the subject line of this particular Apple e-mail read; "Great TV shows now available on iTunes Canada." I became very excited because alhtough you can download TV shows quite easily the quality is not always the best. And it can be stressful to doneload things. It requires a lot of patience and I find myself checking on my downloads every half hour or so. These are precious moments I could use doing something else like watching TV, checking Perez or creeping on Facebook.
So the arrival of this new time saver made me quite excited. In retrospect I should have known that the words "Great" "TV shows" and "Canada" do not belong together. To give you an idea of what I'm talking about the TV shows iTunes has decided to advertise with are "Corner Gas", "Degrassi; The Next Generation" and "Dragon's Den." Now, don't get me wrong Corner Gas is an awesome show. Me and my brother went through an entire season of that and the short lived "Wonderfalls" on a car trip to Sugarloaf. Although we both asked ourselves, "Why did we watch this garbage?" the important thing is that we watched it. Corner Gas is funny in a sad Canadian way but I wouldn't classify it as a "Great Show." The same goes for Degrassi. That show was amazing back in the day and to be honest the "New Generation" is just as awesome. Me and my housemate would become irate if we discovered we had missed it. It's good mindless crap that should be watched.
Still, it is not something I would EVER buy on DVD or admit to others that I actually watch. As for "Dragon's Den" what the fuck is that? It makes me think of Dungeons and Dragons which is never a good thing. Also, the promo photo features a bunch of scary ass dudes in suits and a fugly redheaded woman with a single white stripe in her hair. Only Alexandra Cabot from Josie and the Pussycats could get away with that look and even that traumatized me as a child - "Is she a skunk?" "Is she old?"
So to sum it up, being a Canadian sometimes sucks. We're stuck with shitty shows that often fail and shitty shows that somehow succeed. And then, as if we haven't been insulted enough, these shows are used to introduce a feature that was previously only available in the states. But, I'm not complaining. It just makes me sad to think of the people who will pay to have "Robson Arms" and "Instant Star" readily available on their iPod. Somehow that's more embarrassing than admitting you actually enjoy these Canadian guilty pleasures. For now I'll just keep pushing my new computer to complete endless downloads and use up it's valuable hard drive.

Am I Cat?

Things I Thought About On A Thursday Afternoon At Carlingwood

Who owns the mall?

Does anyone go to the Carlingwood Family Restaurant?

Are they still serving breakfast at the Carlingwood Family Restaurant?

Why is Talbots still in business?

Why do I have an urge to knock that infant down?

Is the New York Fries employee as depressed as he looks?

Why don't young males notice when they start growing a moustache?

Why are there so many people here at 2 PM?

More Than A Blog, It Is... A Nation

I just googled my blog, for reasons I can no longer remember, and the first hit that came up was "Spotlight on Nation," a stunning description of the habitat of The People's Republic of Haffalaff.

Upon quickly scanning the website I thought Haffalaff sounded quite nice. It's official animal, I was pleased to learn, is the haffa which "frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests." And besides this charming animal, the nation seems to turn a blind eye to inappropriate behaviour. "Crime -- especially youth-related -- is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force."

The website describes the nation as "environmentally stunning" and "ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as '[his] little playthings.' "

UPDATE: I got bored of writing this but after a month I decided to do a follow up on this ever growing and increasingly prosperous nation. I was shocked and saddened to learn that THE NATION'S DESCRIPTION HAS BEEN REMOVED. I urge readers to create a petition to bring back the nation of Haffalaff. Only you can rebuild this state. Lord knows this world doesn't need another New Orleans catastrophe. I would start the petition myself but unfortunately I am far too busy making lattes and taking people's money in exchange for delicious fat-free bagels. Still, not a night has passed that I have found myself neglecting my official duties as spokesperson and activist for this unique nation. Before I go to bed I whisper the official motto of Haffalaff until I fall asleep with a single tear running down my face.

Please, let me whisper no more. All you us together, unite and sing!

Haffa, Haffa, Haffa, HAFFA!

Drugs = Hobo Clowns

Do you ever wish that the thoughts you had when you were stoned would be remembered when you were lucid? Me too. The other night I was at that comfortable and self-enlightening stage of highness.

I was watching television and I remember that every single thought I was having was brilliant and of incredible importance. I was probably watching commercials (they thrill me) and I made a realization that led to an incredible discovery. What could a McDonald's commercial plus a Heroes promo equal? Hmm... I don't know know either. Big Macs give you superpowers?

Usually when I do drugs I try to force myself to write my brilliant thoughts down but something always seems to grab my attention. It's most often the television (how can anyone resist TMN on demand?) or sometimes it's a book (with great patience I managed to finish a chapter of "But is it art?"). What really makes me procrastinate though is my own mind. I was watching "Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny" and I could not concentrate on the music or hilarious jokes for the life of me. I kept thinking of insane concepts and worst case scenarios.

I was alone in the house and thought about what I would do if some hobo came up to the back door and demanded to be let in. I thought,"Oh, I'll be able to shuffle over to the phone and call the police." Or, more simply, I thought, "I'll just refuse him entry." But then, I began to think more realistically. This hobo is no vampire, he could come in if he wanted to. This is when extreme paranoia and fear sets in. Truthfully, I think I'd be too scared to get up from the couch to reach the phone especially now that my vision has replaced my kindly hobo's face with that of a clown. AND, he's tapping the glass door with a butcher knife already laced with blood! Shiiiiiit. And so on and so ad infinitum.

This is how my mind works. By the time I caught myself out of that whirlpool the movie was over.

More Like Office FREEDOM

Things to do at work when the shite database server you use is down:

1. Spin in your chair for twenty minutes.

2. Go to Perez Hilton and Dlisted every half and hour.

3. Check your e-mail.

4. Go to Facebook and creep for an hour. Post messages on your co-workers walls who are equally as bored,

5. Research the nutritional value of cherries. (Antioxidant and potential heart attack preventative. Neat!)

6. Sketch a photo of Daniel Radcliffe from Details magazine.

7. Research Harry Potter.

8. Watch Youtube videos of Pleo the robotic dinosaur.

9. Make an art display of the empty water bottles littering your desk.

10. Write blog posts while at work.